Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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