We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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