I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
