I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
