I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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