I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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