Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
