Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
