Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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