Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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