Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
