I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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