I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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