idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
