Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
