Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
