I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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