Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
