Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
