just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is wine microwaveable?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
