it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize