..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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