is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
