go do what you do best...puke behind churches
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
