How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Randomize
