he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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