yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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