She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
