Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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