I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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