I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
