Non-Jews are for practice
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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