Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
