i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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