Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
