Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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