I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think your dad took our porno
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
