My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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