Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Randomize
