the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
