With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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