there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
