My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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