Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
