sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
organizing the empties. That sober.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
