this beer tastes like vomit already
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
