They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
