He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
whose parrot is this?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
