Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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