I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
