the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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